Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
