love makes seman taste better
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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