don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
