Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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