so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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