I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
