I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize