Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize