Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He felt like a one man threesome
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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