There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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