dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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