I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
