so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
