Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize