stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
