so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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