this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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