Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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