dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Well I just put wine in my tea
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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