ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
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He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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