you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
