Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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