He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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