Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
