it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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