let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
