That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
