I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
you never un-have a 4some
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
