i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
