my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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