i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
