she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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