rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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