ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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