textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
