Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
