Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
