The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize