He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
