hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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