I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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