I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
being pregnant is like rehab
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
