Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
