does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
