For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
