You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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