so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
