I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
