like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize