Fuck appropriateness.
Barsexuality is the new black.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
