I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
