You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
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We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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