So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
