his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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