Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
please don't ironically join a cult
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
