Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
