Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
