My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am puke
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
