i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
no more duck duck goose at the bar
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
