Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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