maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
