before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
