They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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