Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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