Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
