I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
