fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
