I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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