This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
