So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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