It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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