the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
