Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
